3 Ways to Let Go of Unworthiness

“I’ve experienced several different healing methodologies over the years – counseling, self-help seminars, and I’ve read a lot – but none of them will work unless you really want to heal yourself and take action.” Lindsay Wagner

Do you have an unrealistic image of yourself? Have you been told that you will never amount to anything or that you are not worthy? Unworthiness is one of the most debilitating belief systems in effect in the world today. It corrupts, destroys, discourages, and inhibits your goals and lives from unfolding as you desire. You’ve become so disconnected from your feelings, so disillusioned, separated and alone, that you are afraid to take risks, speak up for yourself, or even take steps to follow your dreams because you don’t think you are worthy.

Many people become consumed with overeating, drinking, gambling, drugs, and prostitution in order to compensate for their low self esteem and unworthiness. You get stuck in a cycle of self defeating attitudes and actions. Early childhood experiences or being rejected and abandoned has conditioned you to believe that you are not worthy of your wants and desires. All the while, your inner self, emotional center or soul is crying out for freedom of expression, knowing, experiencing, and being.

The word esteem means to honor and respect. Developing respect and honor toward self is essential if you are going to create the life you want to live. By honoring and respecting self, you naturally do the same for others. To have encouraging, supportive interactions, relationships and confidence is the fundamental key of self worth and acceptance. So how do you overcome feelings of unworthiness and low self esteem?

For many that have experienced some kind of abuse, developing self esteem is the building block to emotional healing and recovery. Start by paying attention to the inner voice or message you give to yourself. For example, what responses do you say to yourself whenever you do something wrong or make a mistake? Do you verbally abuse yourself by saying things like, “you are dumb, that was stupid, or you should’ve known better?” Or, “I’m not worthy of a loving relationship because I’m overweight.” Or, “I’m not educated so I can’t compete with those who are,” or “I grew up poor, I don’t deserve to be abundant and prosperous.” When it comes to making decisions in a relationship or business, do you find yourself going along with the other persons choice and ignoring your own wants and desires? When you have a gut feeling about something, do you brush it off as unimportant? Are you constantly doubting or second guessing your decisions and find that others do the same?

Whenever you make a mistake, before you start belittling yourself, ask this question, “Is what I’m about to tell myself true all the time or is this just my experience?” “If you made a mistake, it’s alright, you didn’t do it on purpose. Forgive yourself. If you feel like there’s something wrong with you as a person, know that you didn’t become the way you are on purpose. Forgive yourself. The past is gone, you can’t change it. What you can do is start making changes today to become a better person tomorrow.” Styleshout

There are countless success stories of people who beat the odds and overcome tragedy, molestation, mental, physical, and sexual abuse. This is to illustrate that none of your limiting beliefs have any truth to them. Your limiting beliefs have actually become a crutch, a replacement or haven from the verbal, emotional or physical abuse you’ve experienced.

Here are some tips on letting go of unworthiness

-Question your beliefs about self. It’s important to address and become aware of the things you say to yourself. Your inner talk, emotional center, or feelings, are the simplest indication of whether your thoughts are positive or negative. If what you are thinking doesn’t serve you, let it go and replace those thoughts with thoughts that do serve you. It could be a thought or image as simple as the smile on the face of a baby, a sunrise, or envisioning yourself relaxing by the beach while sleeping in a hammock. Whatever the case maybe, do your best to replace the negative defeating thoughts with thoughts that empower and uplift.

-Expand Your Comfort Zone. I’ve read, heard and experienced so many successful speakers and authors say that everything you want and desire is outside of your comfort zone. So as long as you stay inside of your comfort zone, think the same thoughts that provided you the results you have now, you will continue to get the same results. Begin creating habits and ways of thinking that support you and take you closer to your goal. Have the courage to feel the fear and do it anyway.

-Follow your instinct. Very often you are victims of misguided conditioning. You suppress the most important and life sustaining part of your being which is your instincts. It’s common to see children being chastised for displays of anger and hatred. Over a period of time, as children suppress this part of their personality, they trade the momentary feelings of hatred and anger for guilt. As they get older, this brings about even more confusion and separation from their natural instincts which can create instability, powerlessness and low self esteem. They stop trusting the very basic essence of our existence, our instincts. So by paying attention to your intuition, gut feeling, hunch or notion, even if it feels uncomfortable, is actually taking you one step closer to accomplishing your goal.

“The opportunity is here, in this moment, for happiness, peace, expansion, clarity, awareness. There is no need to keep living in this secret hell. If you feel you are flawed and lacking, own it. Learn how to work intelligently with this experience. Ground yourself in the truth, and let the world see your shining face.” Gail Brenner