5 Ways to Win Your Kid Back

The one thing every parent has in common when it comes to kids is that they are unpredictable. With so many distractions like video games, peer pressure, school work, the opposite sex, sports, bullying, and TV, the odds seem stacked against parents when it comes to getting some quality time in with the kids.

What if your kid is acting out or their behavior is getting out of control at home and in school? How do you win your kids back when there are so many other distractions and obligations to consider?

Establishing Effective Lines of Communication

One critical step to winning back your kid is to establish effective communication and building trust. “Communication is a two-way process involving verbal and nonverbal energy. Positive communication is effective and supportive, starts with family and continues out from there. Negative and critical messages distort, confuse, create feelings of unworthiness and build anger and resentment in children.

There is a process in achieving and understanding communication. A person must listen, decode the message, and give feedback in order to ensure the receiver understood the message in the same context in which it was sent. For example, when communicating with your spouse, or boss, speak in their terms or use the same words they use to make them feel understood and appreciated. As for speaking with your child, be calm, assertive and consistent in your instructions. Ensure to provide them with simple, clear instructions as to the order and way things should be.

You may also decide to have a “Get it off your chest,” session so whatever is bothering you or your kids, you can talk about it openly, without yelling, slamming doors, or escalating into an argument. During your discussion, everyone gets an opportunity to speak, without interruption.

Consider asking your kid to think of an appropriate consequence for his misbehavior. It’s a great way to involve your kid in taking responsibility for his poor choices. Kid-created consequences can be more sever than those parents set. You, of course, don’t have to go along with his suggestions; it’s simply a way to involve him in the process. Assist him in understanding that he has to learn to take responsibility for his poor choices and that consequences become part of the equation or event.

Over time, a child will learn to avoid negative behaviors in order to avoid the associated consequences. This provides you and your child with a sense of freedom and empowers them to find their voice as well as enabling them to make better decisions for themselves.

Address the Benefits of Trust

This brings us to the next topic, building trust. Building trust is a two-way street. You may want to set down and come up with a family definition for trust, so everyone is on the same page. Assist your child in understanding their honesty and cooperation is just as important as your honesty and cooperation. “Kids simply want you to listen. They’ll let you know what else they need, whether it’s advice or merely an ear, through their words and behavior.” Meghan Vivo

If you are directing your child to do something, it’s crucial for your child to see you doing that same activity. For example, if you tell your child to eat their vegetables and you overlook the vegetables on your plate, you are sending a message of “Do as I say, not as I do.” That can be confusing. If your child is involved with and experiences family planning, family exercising, or family budgeting, it’s likely they will follow suit. Kinda of like, follow the leader.

Conversely, if your son or daughter confides in you about something concerning the opposite sex, an embarrassing moment at school or whatever, ask them for permission to share that information with someone else. It may be a good practice not to share that information with relatives or other family members before you get permission from your child. “Kids nowadays, do not trust their parents,” says Edward Sims, director of the Asheboro Central Boys and Girls Club, in Asheboro NC. Every parent needs a support system. But kids need to know they can confide in you.

Another course of action which builds trust between parent and child is to stress the benefits that come with trust. When there’s trust between parent and child, this can be extremely beneficial for the child by way of receiving more freedom and less parental supervision, the ability to use the family car more often, and even staying out later. “By explaining how trust is relevant to them, how it can make life at home more peaceful and supportive, and how it can improve life in general, they are more likely to stay motivated to do the hard work.” Meghan Vivo

Give Yourself Credit

Provide your child and yourself, with the freedom to make mistakes, without physically reprimanding them or mentally beating yourself up in the process. You are doing the best you can with the knowledge you have at hand. Children do not come with instructions, so parents, give yourself credit for doing what you know and feel is beneficial for your child. Assist them in understanding that mistakes are simply gateways to more knowledge. As long as they are not hurting themselves or anyone else.

Kids, just like adults, are going to do dumb things and make mistakes. They see you doing something and decide they want to be just like you and do it too. If we take a look at the news, TV, or the internet, we are exposed to people doing all types of things that may considered dumb. So when it comes to our children, who can be very impressionable, you can rest assure, things will happen.

Plan Your Day in Advance

Another idea you can use to win back your kid is planning your day in advance. Take time to plan out your day and incorporate time to spend with your kid. Let’s say you plan out your day the night before. You decide, with your kids input, to have family night at 9 o’clock. After you’ve eaten dinner and homework is completed, as a family, you may watch a movie, play a board game, read a book or simply talk to strengthen the family bond.

As you are planning your day, do your best to ensure you are planning to do something you enjoy doing. You may decide to allow your child to play video games for 30 minutes to an hour while you eat a bowl of cereal and watch cartoons. The goal here is to make a win win situation for everyone involved. The idea behind planning your day in advance, is that it provides you with a visual reminder of the next event or activity to be completed so you stay on task.

Reinforce Good Behavior With Constant Praise

Whenever your child meets or exceeds your expectations, remember to praise and glorify the actions that are pleasing and inline with the behavior you desire. Expressing your appreciation and gratitude encourages that behavior, while providing your child with a sense of accomplishment, personal gain and confidence. The more praise you give for good behavior, the more good behavior you will experience.

We are aware that life has constant ups and downs and everyday events can challenge the fabric of trust. It can also strengthen the bond between parent and child. Do your best to stay encouraged during times of uncertainty. It’s important for parent and child to be willing to try and try again.