Is it time to re-invent yourself?
By Guest Blogger, Dina Marais
We go through different phases in our life. We play different roles in these different phases. Our identity evolves in alignment with these different phases and roles. We need to re-invent ourselves and adapt to changes to stay current and in touch with who we are in our core being.
The problem arises when we become stuck in a role and the role becomes our identity. When our doing becomes our being. Our doing is external to us and if we build our being on our doing then we have an identity crisis when the doing changes.
For example: if your role as a mother is your identity as a woman, you’ll experience a crisis when your children leave home – the empty nest syndrome. If your happiness depends on how your partner makes you happy, your life will collapse when the relationship ends. If your work is your life, then you’ll fall apart if you loose your job or can’t work for some reason.
Life happens and we need resilience to cope with major changes. To re-invent ourselves when things irrevocably change in our life.
To have resilience is to be able to cope when things go wrong or change dramatically. That does not just refer to mental coping, but also physically coping. Actually mental and physical coping are two sides of the same coin. They influence each other directly.
For us to feel good about ourselves, we need self-gratification. And we get self-gratification when we have meaning and purpose in our lives. The three main areas to have self-gratification are work, personal relationships and recreation. So make sure you enjoy your work, whatever that may be. Make sure that you use your talents in your work and that you have meaning and purpose in what you do.
Your personal and inter-personal relationships are just as important. Meet new people. Do new activities. The more variety you have, the richer and gratifying your life will become.
Recreation is also a way to meet new people. Take a class or try a new hobby or do some volunteer work. This will contribute to the meaning and purpose in your life.
By including more of your being in your doing, you build the resilience so that when major changes happen in your life and roles disappear, you have other roles to fall back on.
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Thank you for the wonderful article. I find that if I stay true to my inner guidance (spirit), self gratification results. For instance, honesty is important to me. In a role as a manager, I was given confidential information that impacted some of my employees. When asked by the employees, if I knew what the company planned—my reply was “Yes, but I cannot disclose that information.” The employees understood. I believe you gain more trust by being up front with people while feeling good because you follow your inner beliefs.